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April 2017

    My diagnosis: Multiple disaster

    By shaping my future actively I felt I had lost a bit of the victim status that cancer patients usually have. I was thinking about my last will and my patient decree. I really needed to know how I would deal with things in advance, because I had my children to think of. I needed to know the truth and I needed to be realistic. It was then that another unexpected disaster struck… Continue Reading

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    Photos: A blogger’s dilemma

    I am still so new to blogging and I am just loving it. But something that really annoys me is looking for the right pictures that go with my entries. I do not want to focus on white women, yet I find significantly fewer photos of men. If I explicitly search for African or Asian people, I obtain images which often reflect cultural stereotypes. Continue Reading

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    Death of a cancer hero

    He died. Finally. He had been fighting for such a long time. Fighting hard. And he had always been so positive. So brave. A cancer hero, just the way we like them.

    I wonder why we want the victims to be heroes. What does it mean for us and what does it mean for them? Continue Reading

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    My diagnosis: Shaping the future

    My body felt alienated. I had to force myself to take care of it, but I felt obliged because of my pregnancy. Meditation helped a bit, though sleep was my preferred escape. I decided to stop bothering about the consequences of each and everything I did. Taking all the risks into account would mean ceasing to exist. And if something “caused cancer”,… well; I already had cancer, so what? Continue Reading

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    My diagnosis: Coping and hoping

    Coping was difficult though, especially when I went back to the grindstone after our holiday. As much as the trip had been a preparation for the practicalities of my future life as a chronic disease patient, it had been an escape. I was not only a cancer victim, I was also in the early stages of a pregnancy and I had no idea if I was going to be able to give birth to the baby. It was an intangible situation – I felt life and death were embracing me at the same time. Continue Reading

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    My diagnosis: First escape

    One of the first decisions I had taken after having been confronted with my diagnosis of chronic lymphocytic leukemia was not to cancel the trip to Southern Caucasus we had planned. But, I have to admit that during our trip to Turkey, Georgia and Armenia (a backpacking trip by the way), I was still under shock. Continue Reading

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