It has been three years since I was diagnosed with CLL. I often wonder in how far my health condition has deteriorated since then. The lab results are an important indicator, of course. But the strength (or weakness) of my immune system is equally important.
A few years ago, my approach towards medicine and healing was straightforward and rather simple. I took paracetamol when I felt bad and I took antibiotics when I felt really bad. I did not scrutinize, nor did I bother to read about alternative therapies. My lifestyle was not as healthy as it could have been. Although my immune system was rather weak already, I did not care enough to make any radical changes or get to the bottom of my health issues. All this changed, when I was diagnosed.
I have always had a weak immune system. Antibiotics have often saved me. I never questioned those physicians who prescribed them generously to me over the course of the years. No wonder. Antibiotics have always worked for me – so far. But what if they don’t anymore? What if a patient develops resistance?
You know these forms you get when you see a new doctor. The ones, where you are asked whether you are pregnant, addicted, suicidal or whether you have any other serious disease. Until recently, the mention of my asthma and pregnancies were not alarming to any of my practitioners. Cancer is. Suddenly, specialists don’t seem to be in charge anymore and an endless journey of referrals begins.
If you suffer from a chronic illness or even an incurable disease as I do, one of your worst nightmares has probably become true. It will not only bring suffering and pain, but also death anxiety. Some fears are healthy, others unhealthy. They might concern the evitable or the inevitable. I would like to take a closer look at our fears.