I had tried to bring some kind of balance into my life: The cancer diagnosis was something to worry about and the pregnancy was completely normal. That was how it seemed to be at the beginning. Only a month after I had been given my prognosis, it changed, though. Suddenly, the pregnancy was a concern as well.
“Why me?” is a question o lot of people ask themselves after being confronted with a cancer diagnosis. There is no answer to this question, of course. Yet, a few considerations can help struggling with fate. Fate has a name – the name of your disease. But fate has other names as well. And you can even rename it…
I was truly exotic, statistically far too young to have CLL, pregnant and a patient with an interesting combination of genetically mutated lymphoid cells. The obstetrician seemed to refer to the hematologists and vice versa continuously for future decisions and prognosis. I was getting tired of all their referring.
If you are puzzled after having read the story of my diagnosis so far, I can assure you that we did not have a clue either after having received this new information. Of course, I started to do some maths and calculated that I had about eight more years to live. I would not reach 50, but I could keep the baby. Could I? We knew we had to see an obstetrician as soon as possible.
I went to see the doctor who had told me about my diagnosis in the first place two months ago. Again, I had to wait for hours. This time, I was better prepared. I came with an old friend. It was such an absurd situation….I was the only young (and pregnant) person in the waiting room. I was hoping to hear how much time I had left to live.